This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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