i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
