I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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