Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
