is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
