Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
