it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
