I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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