He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
