$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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