Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
