just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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