PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
