At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
