I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
