I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
