glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
