mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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