I wish my penis had an off switch
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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