just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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