do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
