Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
