we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
