so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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