I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
