somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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