if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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