He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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