I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
