the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
