Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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