You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
