My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
