absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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