just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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