mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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