so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
