In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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