It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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