I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
