the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize