Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
