That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
