piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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