the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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