8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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