The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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