dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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