so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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