Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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