At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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