Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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