I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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