a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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