Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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