But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
