So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize