he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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