Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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