I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
