Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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