if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
