worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
