My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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