At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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