Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I did not marry a roomba.
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