I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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